Love
Author: Mariandrea Cerpa Tyler
I had such high hopes for this year…such high hopes. I had finally finished school and gotten my doctorate. All that was supposed to be stressful about this year was that I had signed up for an orthopedic residency. But 2020 did not start off good. Fires everywhere, half of Australia was on fire. Poor Koalas burning their paws as they sought shelter. Hardly anyone remembers that now.
The virus has invaded everything, our countries, our homes, our bodies, and our minds.
Only a couple people in my class applied to do a residency most just wanted to get out into the world and be free from school, classes, tests and stress. I thought I was going to be enduring 40-hour work weeks with weekend courses while envying all the fun my friends would be having. Kind of wish that that was the case now.
Currently I think around 60% of my class is without a job. Some never got hired because hospitals went on a hiring freeze or outpatient clinics closed. Some got laid off and had to file for unemployment because they were the last ones hired, bottom of the totem pole first to leave. So I guess I should count myself lucky that I am still working.
But this is not the job I wanted. This is not the residency I signed up for. Still, I should be grateful I am still here.
There was never any shortage of patients. My days were filled by constant incoming new referrals, evaluations and follow ups. Treating and documenting for 16 patients a day! As a new grad, I was running around trying to keep up with the pressure and hope to not fall behind. It is so different now…
90% of our patients are now telehealth. Trying to practice Physical therapy over a phone or video call is not what we were taught in school. Even so, I am thankful for the patients that are being flexible and trying this format with us. They fill my day and give me purpose. From 16 down to around 6 patients a day. I try to keep myself busy in the office, watch physical therapy videos, read articles etc. but it’s not the same. Even the office feels empty. The motion sensor lights in the hallways turn off because no one is walking. Tell me, when have you seen that in a hospital…empty hallways!? In an office that used to hold 14 Doctors of Physical Therapy and their assistants there is now 4 at most. The majority had to be deployed into the hospital labor pool to help screen people and help the inpatient staff deal with COVID patients.
This is not what anyone had signed up for, but it is reality.
I will be visiting my parents this Mother’s Day weekend. I am scared but can no longer contain myself from seeing them. This is the longest I have gone since I was born without hugging my parents. Facetime has helped calm the anxiety, but it is not the same. I will stay 6 feet away as we celebrate with masks on.
Part of what has caused me to break was that I had a great uncle pass away a week ago due to COVID-19. He was old and living in a senior care facility. What hit me the most is that although he was sedated, he died alone. The people who loved him were not allowed to be near him, were not allowed to say goodbye. His body will not be able to receive the burial they had planned for because he has to be cremated.
That right there is my greatest fear being and dying alone… no friends or family around. That is the worst thing that COVID-19 has caused in my opinion.
So yes, I will go in person to see my family and tell them I love them. I will stay 6 feet or more away. But I need to tell them I love them.
I hate saying that life should go back to the way it was before. Instead I can hope that this brings a new beginning, a new way of thinking and a new way of living. An appreciation for everyone in our lives and a reminder to visit those we love more often, because you never know when the next time you will be able to hug them will be.